Mystery Whip - we do have one this week - and Chastity Belt calls in Knobby Boy Scout over the latter's attempt to sell him a pair of running shoes. Apart from being high-tech and with all the flash features, they were rather large. This caused CB to reflect that hashers’ feet are bigger than most, and Rooning Sh*t was called in to support his case. "Can anyone beat size 50?" and answer came there none. "Here's to big feet, they're true blue..." "The advantage is..." said CB, to jeers from the Yanks, " if you get stuck in floods in Houston you can use them for rescue".
Next in: the Hares - "Did anyone notice the hares arrived all dressed in green? But the trail marking is ORANGE... whatever happened to dress code?"..."Here's to Hares, they're true blue..."
Final Mystery Whip charge and Airborne is dragged out of his scribe seat for flagellation. "What is it this man does to women?" asked CB. "He runs into this HDB exercise zone, and as soon as he appears, this lady throws herself face down and goes into rapid hip thrusting movements...what can we say about this man?" "He ought to be publically pi55ed on..." came the Circle's reply.
Step down Mystery Whip, step upVoting Bitch, who has it in for a former house guest, Ikea Balls. It took her some time to find him an acceptable place to sleep, seems he's rather choosy about where he sleeps - or perhaps who he sleeps with? "Why was he born so beautiful..."
POTW - not this week either, has it been black-balled by the Ministry for Etiquette & Taste? But we still have TOTW, brought in by 8.24 who's looking for someone from the POTUS Supporters League. To strong protests from the victim, he calls in Voting Bitch as a look-alike for Wet Landing. She had a co-hare in Harvey, now it seems Harvey went back to the USA with the intention to Make America Wet Again...Landing in Houston? So VB at the end of a convoluted charge gets the Robe of Office for this week ... "B-I-M-B-O..." (All’s fair in love, war & Hash charges, apparently - Scribe).
Mystery2 Whip: Puck Smuggler was next in, having failed again to press-gang a Whip , even at zero notice. So it was a D-I-Y job, and he gave us a story about suggestive yoga on holiday which somehow involved GF Simin. Whatever the ending, the Circle's sympathy was with Simin "She's All Right..." Next charge was on Coo Chi Coo, but seemingly PS went into instant Alzheimers & CCC was reduced to asking "why am I here??" But then he took advantage of the moment to charge Stash with voyeurism, caught peeping whilst PS was showering. (Well, we had our doubts about Stash's orientation - Scribe). "He's the meanest, he sucks..."
PS then called in visitor Chong (from the Monday Boys) who was late back. He went looking for girls in the University but was disappointed. He complained the hares should have avoided the public holiday. "Here's to the sex-starved, he's true blue..."
AOB is unilaterally declared by Stash who blows a hole in Puck Smuggler's excuses for not appointing a MW. Stash has listened to PS's sob story (no bullsh*t) which had him in the office 14 hours that morning. Stash said "Are you an engineer or what? Mornings have 12 hours not 14." "B-I-M-B-O..."
This reminds VB that there's a YL who doesn't yet have a Hash name... Simin (did I spell that right? - Scribe). The YL in question has a track record of arriving late, as PS testifies, so the Circle goes into dog-pack mode and eventually comes up with "F- me Lately" which seems apposite. Voting Bitch with the power invested in her (is that in the Constitution? - Scribe) performs the ceremony so after arriving as Simin the YL goes home as “F- me Lately”. "Why was she born so beautiful..."
AOB from Handbag, who remembered arriving at the airport in Bali on his way back from an Interhash, desperately in need of a poo. There was only one trap and it was occupied. It stayed that way for a long time. Handbag had his arms and legs crossed at the point of no return when the door finally opened and out came ... Mr Potato Head "He ought to be publically..."
AOB from Coo Chi Coo: remembering his last Birthday Run, he called in Corny Linguist & Shipyard Flasher for post on-on activities, least talked about the better... "Here's to plotters, they're true blue…”
Final AOB from a Guest: Hash girls, it appears, have an instinct for finding modern aids to beauty in out-of-the-way places … seeking the source of a pleasantly scented aroma, he found it originated from Juicy Pussy andFawlty Bush, who had found their way to the shampoo bar were using it to their advantage.
And with that, it was on-on-on…at 8.45pm
Circle Report- Run 1849
The Missing Dog Run
Date: Friday 1st September 2017
Run Site: West Coast Park car park 1
On-on: 99 Buona Vista Kitchen
Hares: Corny Linguist, Shipyard Flasher &
Total Run/ Circle Attendance: 57, of which 40 Members ( F, 17 F & 23 M)
Virgins: Ivan & Dirty Muddy Happy
Visitors & Returnees: 15(5 F, 10 M)
New Member: We tried hard
Milestones Passed by
Next Week’s Hares: Prick Me & Totally Unacceptable
Run Site: Kampong Bugis Car Park No 1
On-On: Mr Ho On Site
Circle Scribe: Airborne, Photos: Goody Bag
This had the makings of a memorable run - a sunny evening with no threat of rain, a creative solution to trail-marking in N Parks territory, and a profusion of checks that not only brought the FRBs under control, but also foxed those who tried to second-guess and short cut a well-chosen route. Add a splendid turnout with no less than 17 guests, and there’s the material for a good run. But what did the Circle think?
GM Puck Smuggler and GMs Voting Bitch called the circle a tad past 8pm and called in the Hares: Corny Linguist, Shipyard Flasher and Awesome Foursome. "What did you think of the run?" "Too many checks" said the FRBs. "Too intellectual - too much University" said others. "Too much shiggy" from the jokers (there wasn't any). The shouting went on but eventually it had to be recognised this was a textbook run so "They're all right, they're all right..." and free beer at the on-on clinched a GOOD RUN.
Next week's Hare: Prick Me aka Charley announced on behalf of co-hare Totally Unacceptable and herself that the Kallang River Run will start from the car park at the end of Kampong Bugis at 6pm and the on-on will be on site with another delectable offering from Mr Ho.
Welcome Guests: GM had to be reminded by Scribe to check for virgins, and there turned out to be two: Dirty Muddy Happy & Ivan. They were made to come by G-String, they enjoyed the run and after training on how to put a DD down "They're All right...". We hope they will come again.
Visitors & Returnees: Girls: Fawlty Bush, Gemmie, Kayo, Simin, Spreads Easily (Returnee); Men:
Bagless 2, Chong, Cunni Lick Her, Ikea Balls, Spank Me, Steffan, & Telecum, with Returnees Knobby Boy Scout & Mr Potato Head. "Why were they born so beautiful..."
Hare Whip: Corny Linguist grumbled about his co-hares (par for the course - Scribe),Durian Dog was a no-show and Awesome Foursome part-time apparently. So he was grateful for help from Bagless 2 and, 3 straight off the plane, Shipyard Flasher. Time and place were right, he said, to remember the anniversary of SF's naming, which happened at Pasir Panjang "just over there"... a quick D-D for the lady and "She's All right..."
GMs Voting Bitch - time for some public service announcements - first Ayam Zinking, in place of our favourite gynandromorph, "Register NOW for the Red Dress Run on 21st October - it's limited to 100 runners, don't miss out!"
Next VB announced LCHHH will run a First Aid Course on 11th November at 1pm. The course will run for 3 hours and include CPR as well as treatment for insect stings, sprains and the usual Hash hazards. More details in the Ads.
Last but not least, VB is getting excited about the 35th Anniversary Celebrations, a specialty run and the D&D at the highly exclusive Tanglin Club. The theme is Hash Back to the Future with dress for the 1980s ("I haven't got anything else! -Scribe).